To Run And Hide

Have you ever experienced those times when you just want to crawl into the tiniest crevice you can find, to be invisible, and just stay there to cry all day?

Have you ever had those times when all you want to do is lay on your bed and just stare up the ceiling but you just can't, because you are literally thousands of miles away from the comforts of your own room?

What do you do when you are at an unfamiliar place and you just want to run like a coward and cry like a little child? I feel obliged to swallow my own tears until I feel a lump the size of a basketball growing inside my throat. I feel the need to walk around people, with a forced smile plastered on my face --- to act normal, as if everything is ok.

This is one of those times when I wish I could just click my heels and say "There's no place like home..... there's no place like home....", and then find myself sprawled on my own bed the next minute, having the freedom to soil my sheets with my own tears.

This feeling of not having a safe place to hide at is almost like running around your neighborhood naked ---- the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable. I have no choice but to hide every ugly feeling that's gnawing at my core ---- to hide it in my pockets, or in any part of my body. To hide it good so I can trick my self into thinking that I don't need to retreat to my place of solace, my room, to feel free and safe.